Haunting Memories

Having read numerous journal articles that made abortion sound as simple and straightforward as a dental procedure, I concluded it would be a quick and efficient way to solve the problem.

I went into the clinic expecting a relatively pain-free experience, but I came out feeling that the authors of these articles had betrayed me. The procedure was agonizing… Still, despite the pain, I did leave the clinic feeling very relieved: my problem was solved, and I could return to life as usual.

No one, however, had prepared me for the flashbacks, which began about a year after the “procedure”… Each time, I would relive the experience: going into the clinic; getting up on the table; experiencing the searing, unbelievable pain; and then lying there, gasping and stunned…

I started having upsetting reactions to babies. I would be walking around in a grocery store, and if I spotted a baby, my eyes would fill with tears and I would walk quickly away. A question started plaguing me: How old would my baby have been now?…

My memories about the abortion continued to haunt me. Even though I remained staunchly pro-choice, I still had to battle a deep and gnawing sense that I had done something terribly wrong.

— Lorraine V Murray Confessions of an Ex-Feminist (San Francisco, California: Ignatius Press, 2008) 99 – 101

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