I recently went back to the clinic in which I had an abortion. I wanted to have my ultrasound pictures and a copy of my file. It has been tough digesting what the file holds but I feel like it was something I needed to do. Notes from my abortion counselor. “Pt returned today very confident and sure that ab is best. She is looking forward to being in a school play.” I’m sorry, I didn’t realize crying uncontrollably, having a panic attack in your office, and telling you that I wanted to proceed with my pregnancy but that I felt trapped into this by my partner was a full display of confidence. I was not an empowered feminist proud to have ownership of my body and offspring in this moment. I was lost, anxious, alone and with no one to turn to. Often times women seek abortions because we are desperate, not empowered or confident. We believe we don’t have any other options. The sad truth is that many of us would really love to carry on with our pregnancies though we don’t know what resources we have or don’t have. But we know that we must hurry and get on with it because the fetus is growing and the clinic workers are pushing for an answer. When I told my abortionist that I strongly thought of taking my child away from their father and raising them myself but that I didn’t know what it entailed, she did not talk about alternatives and my other options. She encouraged me to have an abortion regardless of how helpless I felt or how much I cried. Couldn’t she had said ‘Sara, maybe this isn’t for you after all. Would you like to go home?’ And I would’ve screamed, yes! Thank you! I hear and read this too often from other women, unfortunately. There are so many women out there who are lied to about what abortion does and what is really inside of them all by the people who are supposed to help us exercise our empowerment as women. Why are they withholding the truth from us? There are a handful of us who realize what we’ve done after its too late and the pain and regret lasts for a lifetime. A little encouragement and hope can go a long way. Women deserve better, as do our children.
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