Thanks to kidragakash for this moving submission…
What child at 12 wants to hear the words ‘likely infertile’? At the time, I had no idea what it meant, but when I did, growing up, It was just the normal reality, for me, that I would always be ‘Aunty’ never ‘Mummy’.
At 19 that all changed; to the surprise of the doctors, my partner, myself and the respective families…. But what should have been a happy time quickly devolved… I was told ‘I was still a baby’, and that having a child would ruin my life, keep me from having the life I was meant to, and while no one -said- the word abortion, they all danced around the word; ‘you don’t have to have the baby’, ‘It’s not too late’, ‘I’m sure [my partner then, my husband now] can help with the cost if that’s the problem’, and implying this was something I did on purpose to ruin my partners life and the him down, and that if I went through with it, they would hate this innocent baby just on principle, and never accept him or me.
I felt sick to my stomach. I hadn’t -planned- this, and apparently I wasn’t allowed to be happy. How would you feel if you were given something you hadn’t ever hoped for, then told by everyone you shouldn’t have it just because they didn’t think you’d waited long enough? They would quite happily see their grandchild/great grandchild/ niece or nephew killed, on their advice. I remember thinking at the time, that if that is what being an ‘adult’ was, I wanted no part it. Murder, however politely disguised…
I was lucky enough to be over the age, so their hateful and unloving sentiments were just that, and not backed by the law.
My beautiful son is now 7, top of his class, studying ballet, and on to great adventures. I never missed out, they just didn’t understand; I now get to have my adventures -with- him, and see them through the wonder of a child’s eyes.
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