My Abortion Broke Me

Today has been a difficult day. I shared my abortion story with a close friend that I’ve never had the courage to open up to. I”ve been through counseling. I have forgiven myself, but the pain never fully goes away. Sometimes there are just days, moments that bring everything to the surface. I think of her life. I grieve her…I grieve everything that was lost that day…..her life, feeling her kick inside of me, her birth, her newborn smell, cuddling her close to my chest to hear my heartbeat, breastfeeding, first words, first tooth, crawling, giggles……Oh I imagine what her giggles and belly laughs would have sounded like, hearing “love you mommy”, walking, talking, dancing, wiggling, baby dolls. I grieve what I stole from my mom……being a grandmother, cuddles, teaching her to cook, baking cookies. I grieve what I stole from my sister…..she’ll never get to be an auntie to her or any child because of the permanent damage done to my womb. I grieve the loss of her dating, engagement, wedding, birthing her own children. I REALLY MISS HER. I’m typing through my tears so full of sorrow and sadness that the words aren’t enough to convey the depth of the heartache I feel. We as women deserve so much better than to be fed the lie of abortion. Since when is murdering our own children any kind of solution. I wish I could cut my heart open for the world to see the pain. I can’t wait for the day I will see her in heaven so I can kneel before her and beg for her forgiveness and tell her that I love her. If you’re considering abortion, please contact me. I can and I WILL help you find the resources you need to choose life for your baby. Please do no make a permanent decision based on temporary heartache, pain or fear. You are strong and you can do this. There are resources. Your baby’s hugs and kisses and love are more than enough to sustain you in this decision. I’d give anything to have her back. Please don’t make the mistake I made. WE WILL HELP YOU. I love you…