Why be pro-life? I mean, do you know what hyperemesis gravidarum, preeclampsia, and ectopic pregnancies are? Do you know how physically hellish pregnancy can be for a woman? Do you know all of the different ways that pregnancy can cause mental and emotional distress to a woman? Do you know how emotionally scarring it can be to give a child up for adoption? Or do you just not care about any of that, which proves that your views on this issue are incredibly hateful?
Do I know how physically hellish pregnancies can be? I got pregnant with my first son when I was 17 years old. I was the top of my class, dating my highschool sweetheart for three years (Mr. prom king himself). I was a cheerleader, varsity team since I was a freshman, runner up for Miss Wallace, and the school “artist”. When I got pregnant, absolutely everyone around me told me I should get an abortion. My boyfriend and his parents, my parents and my friends, and every single one of my teachers (who I considered my friends). I wanted to keep my son, but every day I got pulled out of class, pestered by my teachers to get an abortion, that they would drive me to the clinic themselves, that “nobody would have to know”. I was firm in my decision. I wanted to keep my son.
I was harassed to get an abortion until I was about six months pregnant, in which at that point I was rejected by my family and friends, and my teachers. To make matters worse, I began to get a pain in my leg that was so severe I couldn’t stop vomiting. I went to the emergency room and they found that I had deep vein thrombosis. After several tests they confirmed that I had two types of blood disorders, that are so severe I need to be on anticoagulants for the rest of my life, so severe that any pregnancy is life threatening.
The doctors urged me to get an abortion, and once again I refused. I was admitted into the hospital for two weeks, with the only anticoagulant approved during pregnancies: lovenox. Lovenox is a shot to the stomach that you take every 12 hours, for the remainder of the pregnancy and two months after. The feeling of deep vein thrombosis when it completely clots your leg is like hooking up a hose to the inside of your leg, filling it up with water until your skin is ready to burst, then plugging the hole. It is beyond excruciating.
To deliver my son, was even more dangerous. When you are on blood thinners, your blood is kept ten times thinner than the average person, so I was at an extreme bleeding risk. If for some reason I needed a c-section, or I had other problems, I could have simply hemorrhaged to death. I delivered my healthy baby boy a few months later, the delivery went wonderful.
After I had my son, I went to school at the University of Idaho, to study physiology. He is now 8 years old. He plays the piano, enjoys Legos, Minecraft, speaks three languages and by his choice is a vegan. He is vibrant and compassionate and loves to make others happy, in the morning when I wake up he makes coffee, and occasionally leaves notes under my bedroom door telling me how much he loves me. He always fights for the smaller person, loves babies and children, and tells me that he cannot wait to get married (often asks me how to get a wife, lol).
But dear, that isn’t it. When my son was very young, I began to date a man and we were intimate very early in our relationship. He was much older then I was, and he told me he was sterile. He lied. After we had been dating for two months I became pregnant again. He was unsupportive of the pregnancy. He urged me to get an abortion. I refused. And so began the abuse. At first it was just control of my life. He took away friends, family. Then he took away my car, my phone, my job. He stole my life. Eventually the abuse became so severe I tried to run away. I bundled my son up in a winter coat and began to walk.
We lived in a very first class neighborhood, and he was very well respected and very well off. When the cops picked me up they told me that if I tried that again, they would take my son away. Then he locked me in a bathroom for three days. When I finally cut a hole in the window screen, and climbed down off the roof to run across the street he grabbed me by the neck and tried to kill me. I can barely remember what happened, all I know is there was not one part on my body that was not injured or bruised. After months of trying to escape, I finally was able to contact my mother who took me in.
But that wasn’t the end of it. When I was about five months pregnant, I began to feel a sharp stabbing in my chest when I inhaled. I went to the emergency room. They found a pulmonary embolism in my lungs (blood clot). These are extremely fatal. This part of the story is similar, I was admitted into the hospital, I took a shot every 12 hours into my stomach, and after months finally delivered my second son. He is seven years old. He is a very quiet and gentle little boy. He literally cannot kill a fly (he catches them and throws them outside), he enjoys cuddling, hugging random strangers (unfortunately), praying, and daydreaming. I have personally never met anyone who is as sweet, unselfish, gentle, and loving as him. He loves to pray, and also loves scary things like ghosts and skeletons because they are “misunderstood”.
After I got my life back together, I married a wonderful man. After we were married for sometime, I got pregnant with my daughter. During this pregnancy I had deep vein thrombosis and a pulmonary embolism. I was hospitalized for nearly a month hooked up to machines to make sure my heart did not stop (the clots pass through the heart before they are thrown into the lungs). The doctors threatened to sterilize me without my permission. They called me “selfish” for wanting to keep my child. They told me that I was a bad mother because I wanted to keep my child. I delivered my princess, my vibrant, brilliant daughter. She has the longest most beautiful hair I have ever seen, she is soft spoken but wild and a true lady like little girl.
The doctors told me they weren’t worth dying for. All the suffering I went through, all the shots I took, the bruises in my belly, It means nothing. In fact the second I held them in my arms I nearly forgot all of it. It meant nothing in comparison to the PEOPLE they are.
But dear, that isn’t the end of the story. A few months ago I had a pain in my leg that I noticed while at work. It wouldn’t go away and got worse and worse. I went to the emergency room and they found not only deep vein thrombosis that went up my leg, but also giant bilateral clots (pulmonary embolism in both lungs). But that’s not all they found. I also found out that I am expecting! I spent a few weeks in the hospital. It has been difficult to breath but I get along just fine (it feels as if I am constantly out of breath from running). I am taking my shots, every day, in my stomach to be sure that the clots dissolve, and that I don’t get anymore. And this February I will meet my child, my little person.
I’m 26 years old. I own a home, I live a wonderful life. I am well educated, I own a business, I have a family, and it is ONLY because of my children that I have pushed myself. It is ONLY because of my children that I have lived the life I have, that I never gave up. A lot of anti-pro lifers ask me, why would you risk your life for your “fetus”? Because this life in me, isn’t a fetus, it’s a child, it’s a person. And there is no greater glory to a mother, than to give her life for the life of her child. I’m not scared of pregnancy, I’m not scared of death. I live a beautiful simple life, full of love and joy. I am satisfied at 26 to the point I feel I have lived a 1000 years of happiness.
So, to answer your question, do I know how difficult pregnancy is? Absolutely. In fact, I am my gynecologist’s FAVORITE patient. I see four doctors every other week, and take weekly blood tests. My stomach is covered with bruises from the injections, bruises that I have to shove a needle back into to inject again and again. And I would do it all over. Any ‘pro-choicer’ has absolutely NO right to speak for women who have life threatening pregnancies. Any ‘pro-choicer’ has absolutely NO RIGHT to speak about the value of children, when you have never even held your own.
You want to speak for women who want abortions? Speak for another group, because I have met women who would and have risked their life to have a pregnancy that wasn’t “convenient”. You are telling me about the emotional, mental and physical stress of a pregnancy, when I laid in a hospital when I was 17 years old mocked by everyone I loved while I lived in fear of death? You are telling me that I just don’t “care” about any of that, that it proves that my views are hateful? Think again.
When I risk my life for my children, I do it because my love is completely unselfish. Because who am I to decide that my life is more valuable than anyone else’s life? Who am I? They were worth it. I promise you.
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