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So I choose life this time bc I have so much guilt due to the abortion, I couldn’t go through with another one. I have nightmares & live in pain because of the abortion. They got out one twin but not the other. They thought I wanted to keep the one so I had to go back. I was abused all my life so I’ve got a lot of scar tissue that would make it hard for me to even keep a pregnancy so I’m going with adoption because there is a chance the twins & I die together here, or we survive and we move on.
I would give anything to absorb all of your pain and make it my own, but unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. You have the most heartbreaking story I have heard yet, and I’m amazed at your strength to do the right thing this time around.
You were abused and I will assume you were coerced into your abortion, either by the abuser or by those with the misguided impression that encouraging you to kill your children was the right thing to do. People that believe that the choice to kill prenatal children is free of consequences are either incapable of empathy or have never killed a child themselves.
I’m so saddened by your experience, especially the fact that your abortionist killed one twin and you had to go back again to kill the other. I don’t even know how you were able to cope with that experience.
Your life story makes it clear that you were unable to make an informed and coherent decision regarding your babies. You were an innocent victim and because of your horrible situation and age, your twins were lost not because of your direct action, but because of a terrible and disorienting situation. Please do not feel guilt. You lost your twins not because of selfishness, but because of events beyond your control. Let me be clear, I do not accept the decision to intentionally kill prenatal children, I just believe that your decision was made in a non-stable mental state and those around you only added to your confusion.
You are now a little older and have gained wisdom from your past experience. I am proud of you for taking on the responsibility of motherhood, no matter the circumstances behind your children’s conception. Even though you are planning to place your children for adoption, your are still their mother while you carry them. I hope you will opt for an open adoption so you can be a part of their lives, unless you feel that the story of their conception may be too hard on them. Though I will tell you, a mother and her children’s love can overcome anything this world can throw at them. You would likely find great comfort in each other’s love. Think about this as you move forward.
Please stay in close contact with your doctor. If your pregnancy will cause your death and result in your twin’s death as well, then you must act to save yourself. It doesn’t make logical sense for all of you to be lost. If a life saving procedure must be done to save your life and it results in the unintentional loss of your twin’s lives, this is not abortion. This is similar to an ectopic pregnancy where the mother would die if the child’s unfortunate implantation is not resolved. The child would die either way, so it makes no sense for both the mother and child to die.
Please seriously consider what I am telling you. But keep in mind that some doctors do not value prenatal children as highly as they value their mother and will err on the side of killing the children even if they present only a small threat to the mother’s health. Get a second opinion and explain to your doctor how much you value the lives of your babies.
I wish the absolute best outcome for you and I want you to let go of the past that you were clearly not in control of and embrace the life you have ahead of you. You are a member of my human family and you have now embraced life. You are a very special human being and you deserve the best life has to offer as you move forward. You are loved, if not by your own family, by me and others like me. I know my pro-life friends will be there to help you through as well.
“Life’s not about avoiding the storm, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”