Grieving the Loss of My Little Sister

I spoke with my mother today about abortion for the first time. She became pregnant with me at 16 years old and gave birth to me when she was 17. My biological father, whom I have never met nor do I desire to meet, left us alone and unsupported. The intent of my conversation was to understand how close I came to being aborted. She said she never seriously considered aborting me but was asked by her doctor what she wanted to ‘do’ with me. Fortunately, she made the choice to protect me.

After many tears, she confessed that although she kept me, she did have an abortion a few years later after another unplanned pregnancy where she was once again abandoned by the father. She was three and a half months into that pregnancy and she was told the child was a little girl. My little sister. She said she killed her because she couldn’t afford to take care of both of us. I know she could have done it, I lived each day with her. It would have been a more challenging life, but a richer one in the end because there would have been more love to share.

I am an only child and have spent the last few hours thinking about how different my life would have been if my little sister had not been aborted. If you follow my blog, you know I consider prenatal children just as real and just as worthy of life as we are. For some, the reaction would be ‘oh well, she was just a clump of cells anyway.’ But I know she was a living human being that would be here with us right now if my mother had considered the long view, not just how our lives would have been impacted at the time. I would have had someone close to my age to play with, to share secrets with, and to love. Someone that could have taken all those lonely days away. But she was abandoned to abortion. Cruelly ripped from my mother’s womb — the same womb I spent nine months of my life in.

My mother is full of guilt and regret, but I forgave her which I think will help her to finally heal. She kept this a secret from me for over 40 years. Although I feel that abortion is a selfish and depraved act, I am capable of forgiveness for those who regret their decision and own their mistake. And more importantly, understand that what they did was wrong, that abortion is wrong.

I take a lot of heat on social media for making pregnant mothers ‘feel awful’ about their decision to end their child’s life. If these mothers, and the many abortion advocates that send me hate about this, truly believed that a ‘fetus’ is not a child, then how could I ever make them feel bad about their decision?

The fact is, they know their fetus is actually their child, but they want to keep them at arm’s length. When someone like me reminds them that they are really their living son or daughter growing inside of them, it makes their decision harder. And that’s a good thing. It’s my goal to save our innocent prenatal children and their mothers from the cold and cruel experience of abortion, an act totally devoid of love.

I wish my sister had been a part of my life. I know I never knew her but somehow I really miss her. And I love her.